Film Review - G.I. Joe - The Rise Of Cobra
Starring - Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum, Marlon Waynes, Ray Park | Directed by Stephen Summers | Paramount DVD WS PG-13 117min 2009
Review By Xmortis
Another classic Cartoon and toy line gets the live action movie treatment thanks to Paramount and Stephen Summers, the same guy who made such classic films as The Mummy, The Mummy Returns and Van Hellsing.
MARS enterprises (led by Destro) has just made the next big weapon in the form of Nanomites, small little metal mites that eat anything that get in their path, and it's up to Duke and Ripcord and the rest of the military to transfer the warheads to a top secret base. But they are set up and attacked by the terrorist group known as Cobra led by the Baroness (a sexy black haired beauty with glasses) who wants those warheads at any cost. Duke and his men fight hard but are out classed by the bad guys at all turns. They get help from G.I. Joe (Snake Eyes, Scarlet, Heavy Duty and Breaker), and after Cobra gets chased off, Duke and Ripcord meet General Hawk. They are asked to join G.I. Joe if they can pass the tests and more importantly they deliver the warheads to the Joe's base. Destro, the Baroness, Storm Shadow and Zartan are all working for Cobra and want those warheads to cause some major havoc. A doctor working for Cobra is also using the Nanomites to make the ultimate soldiers by injecting them into the bodies of soldiers, making them mindless zombies. Duke and the Baroness had a relationship before all this went down, and the split happened when her younger brother was killed in the war under Duke's watch. Meanwhile Duke and Ripcord are being trained to become members of Joe, as Ripcord also starts to flirt hardcore with Scarlet! They pass and are now members, but their happiness doesn't last long as Baroness, Zartan and Storm Shadow enter the base and steal the warheads, wounding General Hawk. Cobra then uses the warheads in France on the Eiffel Tower to prove a point to the world and more importantly to show G.I. Joe they mean business. After a chase through France, a warhead hits the tower and Duke is taken hostage by Cobra after the Baroness hits the kill switch on the warhead causing only major damage. But this causes G.I. Joe Alpha Team to have to break up and go back to their own departments. However Hawk breaks the rules and lets the team go after Duke. Meanwhile Duke finds the truth about Cobra's doctor. The Baroness starts to get a change of heart, and G.I. Joe goes to full war with Cobra. In the end, the Joe's win the battle. The Doctor is really Cobra Commander. Destro finally is forced to wear his silver mask. The Baroness is still in love with Duke. Ripcord gets his Scarlet Fever (yeah it's a bad joke) and Zartan gets the final laugh!
First of all, I am so sick of the solid black outfits for every top-secret team or super hero (X-men, Batman). It's just so over done in modern blockbuster films. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I want to play "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" with this film, starting with what I found good. I really liked was how they treated Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow's past and present, still making them un-official brothers yet hating each other with a fiery passion. Plus, Ray Park is the perfect Snake Eyes. The fighting in the film being both hand to hand and sword/gun play looks great, and the top notch made it feel like a well-made cartoon. Rachel Nichols and Sienna Miller who play Scarlet and The Baroness respectively are both stunning. I can deal with most of the character changes, even Duke who for some reason has the "I don't care, I am a thrill seeker" attitude. Plus the cameos of other characters like Cover Girl, Flint and Wild Bill make it fun to try and spot the Joe's. The Bad is the fact director Stephen Summers has a weird love for Marlon Waynes who sucked ass as the wise cracking Ripcord. The twist of Cobra Commander is terrible. I mean, really? He's the Baroness's brother who every one thought was dead but turned evil over his love for science! Give me a break! Not to mention his terrible look at the end of the film. He looks more like a terrible clear-faced Darth Vader. Another bad is the fact Destro does not wear his classic silver helmet until the very end of the film. Also Zartan does not even look like Zartan of the cartoon and pretty much looks like a normal guy. The ugly is really some of the more stupid plot twists like the Baroness turning good and Scarlet falling in love with lame ass Ripcord and not being Snake Eye's girl like she has been in the cartoon and comics for years. Both of these twists were just terrible and added nothing but eye roles to the film. Overall this was a let down for me as far as being a G.I. Joe film, but was an okay watch for being a action flick for a summer filled with blockbusters.
The two-disc edition is loaded with extras that include a digital copy of the film, commentary track, making of, and a look at the FX of the film and trailers. The slipcase has some great shots of the Joe team, while the case cover features Cobra.
I can't say this film was a total waste of time nor can I say it was a great use of it. If you like over done action films, any of Stephen Summers other over the top films or if you enjoyed Transformers 1 and 2, then this is one you may want to watch. In other case, it's worth a rent and possible cheap buy.